As i sit here and read all those posts on Love and Fear I get the feeling they are sooo analytical and controlled. For me love is altogether different.

Love happens. Usually I am totally unaware. I am not looking for it. I am either having a good time doing what I enjoy or I am simply living life. I know the moment it comes for my heart tells me that it is here.

The last time it happened, I was in the middle of the most tragic relationship of my life- unrequited love. My sense of loyalty to my impossible situation, my dedication to seeing it out to the bitter end went out the window in 2 seconds.

Everything within me screamed danger, danger, danger. You are about to lose control. If you thought that what you are in is impossible wait and see what you are about to get into. You have to give up everything and be willing to risk it all.

The craziest part was that I didn't care!!! I felt in the deepest part of me that this was love. And it was wonderful. The reason I say was, was because it ended. Death ended our relationship. I grieved, mourned and died myself or at least I tried to die. Somehow this too ended.

Now I am in the part of my life that I call The Resurrection. I literally have come back from the dead and I am ready to live life again. The scariest and most exciting part is that I know that love will come again. I'm not looking for it, I do not desire it, but deep within me there is this feeling. And it is working its way to the surface.

Right now I am doing what I enjoy doing and living life to the fullest. I appreciate what illness, pain and suffering have done for me. They have helped me heal. I thought I had lost my spirit and the will to live but God had other plans for me. I soo glad He is in control.

I almost stopped watching tv entirely, reading books or absorbing any information. The message is the same. Love happens more than once. It chooses you. In reality you have chosen it but you have let go of the outcome. This is my next step.

WOW OH WOW OH WOW OH WOW !!!!!