I really felt better after God left, so I decided to utilize my time more efficiently while I had to stay in the hospital. One of the things I needed to do was get rid of all those negative feelings I had been carrying around for all these years. You know, guilt, resentment, self-sacrifice, martyrdom and the biggest one indifference. So true to my seminar experience (which cost me big bucks) I made yet another list of what I needed to work on.

After hours of painful work (it had to be painful or it was not valuable) I decided to call God and get Him to help me with the list. As I leaned back and closed my eyes and looked into my heart, I mentally called God to come see me. Just then a voice called out from my door and said "Yes Dear, How can I help you?" I looked up and said, "Mother! What are you doing here? Come on in, I'm expecting God any minute and I'ld like you to meet Him."

"But sweetheart," she smiled sweetly, "I am God." "That's ridiculous," I exclaimed. "Show me in the bible where it says that God is a woman, after all you wrote it or so they claim."

"My darling baby", she said, "These are the 90's, get a grip. Times are a changing. Besides I thought that this form would help make the forgiveness episode easier to handle. Nice touch, even if I do say so myself. One more thing, just remember I'm God and I can be anything I want. So can you, you just don't know it yet. Let's get to work, Let me see that list.

Humm, mighty impressive. I must hand it to you, you have always been very meticilous and thorough, Good job, I see you have included every little petty mistake you have ever made. Wow! What a memory. GOOD BOY!!! I'M SO PROUD OF YOU. KINDA MAKES YOU WANT TO CRY.

I would but this girdle is so tight, I can hardly breathe. You know I have to have a talk with my new wardrobe director, Liberace, someone has to tell that man about control top panty hose. But let's get back to you. Let me show you what we do with these lists when we get them in heaven.

AFTER CAREFULLY READING THEM AND SHEDDING A TEAR OR TWO, WE FILE THEM IN FILE 13. After all, that's what you do with garbage. You see, after you have gotten it out of your system, it serves no purpose except for basketball practice.

Oh! I've bought you something. It's form letter symp.401K. WE SEND IT OUT TO THOSE PEOPLE COMPLAINING ABOUT THEIR CRUEL AND UNJUST PUNISHMENT. I brought it just in case you asked me the same question, Here read it.

It said:

Dear Wretched Soul,

My goodness, what's this all about? I forgave you a long time ago, in fact, as far as I'm concerned it never happened.

As far as the punishment is concerned, you got it all wrong. The only thing I sent you was love, any punishment is self inflicted. SO IF ITS TOO PAINFUL STOP DOING IT TO YOURSELF, Enough said, Have a wonderful and happy life.

BTW keep this letter handy, It may take you some time before you really understand it.

Love always,

GOD, DS, Universal Energy, etc, etc, etc

Well kid, it was nice taking to you. Gotta go now, there about 200.000 people I have to see in the next minute and this girdle is killing me. LIBERACE WHER ARE YOU? Didn't anybody tell you about panty hose?

Good luck Kid, see you later.