When I started my Spiritual Healing Journey I fell into the trap that said that I had to divest myself of all my material goods to attain true spirituality - including dealings with my family (which I considered toxic).

So I gave away everything I had accumulated = furniture - appliances, paintings, Christmas decorations etc. I left my home with a suitcase, an overnight bag and a carry on hamper of clothes and my dog. I even moved to the desert - Las Vegas.

Two weeks after arriving in the desert I was hospitalized with gangrene in my left leg that was spreading all over my body. This resulted in a lower limb amputation, heart damage and eventually renal failure. I had no money, job, or the ability to work, no insurance or even someone to care for me. I took me a long time to realize that I created all of this.

My creation was not to punish myself, although it certainly was painful. It was to help me stop my negative thinking. Caroline Myss helped me see that, when she was on Oprah. As I heal myself spiritually, my body is healing itself physically.

I saw Caroline in September '98 and since then the results are amazing.

At the present time I am financially independent working 5 hours a week.

I have to move soon because I have accumulated too much stuff in my two bedroom condo - (only me and the cat). My dialysis treatment has been reduced and the doctor has confirmed that there is kidney function. Not enough to get off dialysis but if it continues at the present rate - who knows 6 month to a year I will off the machine.

Even greater than that is my new relationship with my family. Both parents are dead so all I have left is a brother, sister, sister-in-law, and two nephews. When I finally gave up judging them and criticizing and trying to fix them and accepted myself for who I was, they did the same. They come to visit me and we chat on the phone and send each other e-mails. No more wars!!!

This spring I am going home to visit my parents and to say goodbye. I really miss them, but I know that they really didn't die, they just changed forms. (It even feels good just to write this)

I have mentally thanked them for all their love even when I didn't understand that what they were doing was preparing me for life as well as they knew how. I want them to see that they did one hell of a job and that I am truly aware that I am magnificent. Somehow this is very important to me - to be there physically.

I thank God constantly for this incredible experience I call my life, knowing full well that there is more to come. Someone asked me, "Knowing what you know now, would you consciously put yourself though all the pain and suffering." My answer is - I can't second guess God - He knew what I needed then and what I need now. I guess the only change would be not to resist change so much.