Hot Fudge Sundae



Last week I counseled three young women who had been emotionally devastated by failed romantic relationships. Each dealt with it a different way, one by "shutting down" emotionally, one by turning to a relationship with another woman, and one by seeking "revenge" against men in general.

The one who had "shut down" quoted a plaque hanging on my kitchen wall, a cute little puppy with the words "Blessed are those who expect nothing, for they shall not be disappointed". I then understood we had two different viewpoints of those words. Her interpretation was that if she expected nothingness, she would not be disappointed with a dreary life of emptiness. My view was another version of "the meek shall inherit the earth", that by not laying my ego expectations on the world, I became free to accept all of the wonders of a full and happy life filled with Love, unconditional acceptance. Her view was a judgement of "evil", while mine was the acceptance of Love.

Likewise, the one turning to a relationship with another woman had judged the "male" energy as "bad", and believed that by avoiding it altogether she would be "safe" from emotional turmoil. I pointed out that she was "separating" herself from her own wholeness, the completeness of the balance of the male-female energy that is our One Self (see Balance). Further, her "defense" was no assurance she would not suffer the same emotional "pain" if and when the relationship ended.

The third young lady also was setting herself up for more "pain", for if we "attack", we only attack our One Self, and therefore only see our own weaknesses, guilt and shame when we project them upon another.

In examining the cause of the emotional "pain" each felt, I suddenly understood that it was the result of judgment, of unfulfilled expectations. Emotion comes from thought, the "yi leads the chi" (mind leads the energy) of Chinese martial arts studies. If the judgment of expectation were removed about the partner in the relationship, if she truly Loved him unconditionally, then he could do no "wrong" to disappoint her or block the awareness of that Love. And if she accepted the relationship unconditionally, she could not be "hurt" when the physical aspect or proximity ended, knowing that all relationship is One Self, complete and eternal.

And the thought of a hot fudge sundae came to mind. The "idea" of a hot fudge sundae simply IS, complete and eternal. When we desire to experience the pleasure of a hot fudge sundae we do so, enjoying the NOW of it with no future expectations. Imagine, upon finishing a sundae, looking at the empty dish, and crying "OOOOH!, ITS OVER.....I'M SOOOOO HURT, EMOTIONALLY DEVASTATED, I'LL NEVER HAVE A HOT FUDGE SUNDAE AGAIN!!!!".

And one would decide to never eat a sundae again, one would only eat marshmallow sundaes, and one would become sick to her stomach and throw every sundae that confronted her in the trash.

How silly that would be!!!!!




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